Saying like I am not one of them
There were 7 of ballistic missiles. I think. I didn’t count. I usually don't. Only stare at the bending windows. I wander what is it russians trying to aim now here. I thought they already destroyed the local power plant - but what do I know. Last time they shot at school and overground metro station.
At this point, and that point exactly the year 2026, autumn, I am not that afraid. If things turn out bad - at least you won’t have to deal with stuff anymore. Sure, dealing with stuff sometimes fun, but also really really hard. So… win-win situation.
I am working on a sketchbook which will be entirely charcoal. Sometimes it is really fun, also sometimes I don’t see a point in making things. I fall into hating humans to loving them deeply… Saying like I am not one of them, but I am one. I think.
My days full of small weird moments, which I could include here, but they all without context. Like a lonely sparkles of awareness in an empty ocean. Sometimes It is because I didn’t sleep well, sometimes it is because I get approached by weird men. You know, war, not war, but the weird men stay the same. I don’t do makeup and generally don’t do much for my appearance now, so I guess I attract pdffiles, still. Maybe I should buy a cosmetic after all. Start cosplaying a middle age theatre diva.
I took a pause in writing this. It was 25 ballistic missiles on Kyiv area and Kyiv itself. I cooked a pasta with chicken. Yes, in pauses between explosions. The food was really good, I am grate at cooking. It is 4 Am and I wonder what should I do today. I am trying to fight the desire to just curl into a ball and don’t move. Even though maybe I should do it, but the longer I do it, the harder it to do even simplest things and that is a problem. I shall go another way then. Maybe I should go on a sketchbook adventures, like I used to. Honestly I don’t want to. So maybe I will clean my painting space today, theoretically. Oh well. Doesn't matter. I need to stop listening to things while making art. I mean things with information. It makes me nervous and I should avoid that.
We finished watching a series called Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. I really recommend it, If you want to learn to accept the craziness of reality. Got my mood up. Maybe I should read books, but I almost don’t read now, probably because I am addicted to YouTube. I just found a video where someone talking about another date of apocalypse. Well I just checked it and it is boring. I want to stop watching YouTube, at least this kind of pseudo-informational videos. I will be listening to podcasts about ghosts there, or stories, audiobooks. That sounds like a good idea. I think yes. A challenge! Not to watch news. No war analytics anymore. Obviously no one is planning to stop attacking us, so why bother. Like… People who are afraid of what is going on here should watch war analytics, I don’t have to anymore. And if some miracle shall happen - I will find out about it anyway.
I just remembered that I bought an ingredients of chocolate pudding. Maybe I will make one now. With some tea.
At this point, and that point exactly the year 2026, autumn, I am not that afraid. If things turn out bad - at least you won’t have to deal with stuff anymore. Sure, dealing with stuff sometimes fun, but also really really hard. So… win-win situation.
I am working on a sketchbook which will be entirely charcoal. Sometimes it is really fun, also sometimes I don’t see a point in making things. I fall into hating humans to loving them deeply… Saying like I am not one of them, but I am one. I think.
My days full of small weird moments, which I could include here, but they all without context. Like a lonely sparkles of awareness in an empty ocean. Sometimes It is because I didn’t sleep well, sometimes it is because I get approached by weird men. You know, war, not war, but the weird men stay the same. I don’t do makeup and generally don’t do much for my appearance now, so I guess I attract pdffiles, still. Maybe I should buy a cosmetic after all. Start cosplaying a middle age theatre diva.
I took a pause in writing this. It was 25 ballistic missiles on Kyiv area and Kyiv itself. I cooked a pasta with chicken. Yes, in pauses between explosions. The food was really good, I am grate at cooking. It is 4 Am and I wonder what should I do today. I am trying to fight the desire to just curl into a ball and don’t move. Even though maybe I should do it, but the longer I do it, the harder it to do even simplest things and that is a problem. I shall go another way then. Maybe I should go on a sketchbook adventures, like I used to. Honestly I don’t want to. So maybe I will clean my painting space today, theoretically. Oh well. Doesn't matter. I need to stop listening to things while making art. I mean things with information. It makes me nervous and I should avoid that.
We finished watching a series called Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. I really recommend it, If you want to learn to accept the craziness of reality. Got my mood up. Maybe I should read books, but I almost don’t read now, probably because I am addicted to YouTube. I just found a video where someone talking about another date of apocalypse. Well I just checked it and it is boring. I want to stop watching YouTube, at least this kind of pseudo-informational videos. I will be listening to podcasts about ghosts there, or stories, audiobooks. That sounds like a good idea. I think yes. A challenge! Not to watch news. No war analytics anymore. Obviously no one is planning to stop attacking us, so why bother. Like… People who are afraid of what is going on here should watch war analytics, I don’t have to anymore. And if some miracle shall happen - I will find out about it anyway.
I just remembered that I bought an ingredients of chocolate pudding. Maybe I will make one now. With some tea.
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